Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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