Say something about gay babies.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
