im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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