The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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