Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
