why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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