sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
