i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
