wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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