I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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