I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
