I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
