lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
