do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
