Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My cat gives me a boner
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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