There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
