um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
