you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
