i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
