i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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