I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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