I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
