I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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