i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
