Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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