i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I forget how to act sober
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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