I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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