i used baking grease as lip gloss
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
