dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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