Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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