I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
