she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
