Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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