it wasn't lemon gatorade
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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