JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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