So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
