Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
