I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He better not be in your backpack
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
