i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
