Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
