question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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