Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
last night I used snow as a chaser
its liver damage thursday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
