I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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