So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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