Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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