Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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