party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
