Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
