Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize