Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
