is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
