MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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