I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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