then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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