I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize