Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
