Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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