every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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