i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dear god my vagina.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
