I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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