Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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