shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
