He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
