after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
