he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
