I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
