Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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