I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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