I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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